"Only the Word is the answer to rightly reading the world.

Because The Word has nail-scarred hands that cup our face close, wipe away the tears running down. The Word has eyes to look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, “I know. I know.”

The passion on the page is a Person, and the lens I wear of the Word is not abstract idea but the eyes of the God-Man who came and knows the pain.”  -Ann Voskamp

 

soft evening glow and wild black eyed susans

 

 

time with those wonderful people who feel like family

 

random trip to the beach with dear people

 

I make it a tradition to wake up early at least one morning of every beach trip to drink in the sunrise (especially if I

happen to be on the east coast), and since this trip consisted of only one morning, Bethy and I were out there bright and

early. I think this is my favorite of the pics I got that morning. The trail of birds makes me happy

 

her beauty...inside and out

 

Bethy taught me how to make lights look like stars in the dark!

This is going to make night photography more fun

 

The other day, I walked into a room at the Hospital and one of my patients was sitting in bed reading the Bible. She was an older black lady with one of those awesome wraps on her head. Her son was sitting in the chair beside the bed and her daughter (or maybe niece) was sitting at the foot of the bed. There was an air of comfortable tolerance in the room. You know when you're family and love each other a lot but make fun of each other just cuz? It was like that. They included me here and there and even talked about me in the third person in a way that wasn't insulting at all. In the course of things I saw she was reading Deuteronomy. It struck me a bit interesting because I've never voluntarily read that book. I probably sound super unspiritual admitting that, but there it is. It always felt a bit dry to me...lots of rules and commands. It wouldn't have been something I'd read in a Hospital stay for sure. I had expected something comforting like Psalms...

I commented on it. She launched into a very short sermon about the importance of the Old Testament and how people seem to focus so much on the New one. She said something about it being the foundation and how God gave it to us for a reason so it must be worth reading and learning from. And just as important as the NT. I agreed with her and I decided I was going to read that particular book. For real this time. I asked God to teach me stuff as I read and it feels like I'm reading it for the first time. And discovering so much!

 

those days with Trina *happy sigh*

 

I used my tripod to do a photoshoot for the first time ever. It worked wonderfully!

 

that look on her face and the gift of a friendly butterfly

 

I might like dragonflies almost as much as butterflies..:)

 

my very first HDR pic. I'm quite proud of it!

 

more HDR fun

 

Some of the things I've noticed as I read this wonderful book are:

   1) God commands things so that we can be blessed. 

          I'd go so far as to say ALL of his commands to us and to the children of Israel were for the sole purpose of blessing us and them, of protecting us from evil, and to bring us good things. He says it over and over in this book. "Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it; that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily as the Lord God of thy fathers hath promised thee..." (6:3) "Oh that there were such a heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children forever!" (5:29). Do you hear the longing? The underlying frustration? It makes me ache inside. I want that heart...to obey... I want to believe that in every command is wrapped up a blessing.

 

   2) God is very jealous. Possessive. He wants us to be set apart.

          "For thou art a holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth. The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose, you because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people. But because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen..." (7:6-8) I take that to mean, it's not because of us...it's all because of him. Who he is. His glorious, amazing, wonderful self. (Aaaah! I love him! :')

 

   3) Serving other gods makes God angry.

          I know, this is a no-brainer. But...I didn't know the consequences he required of those who served other gods..."If a family member or thy friend which is as thine own soul (bff...dear, life-time best friend) entice thee secretly saying, Let us go and serve other gods...thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity im, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: but thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death and afterward the hand of all the people." (13:6-9) My eyes got huge as I read that. God doesn't change, right? So somewhere in him...inside all that mercy and grace...his heart still burns with the feelings that caused this ruthless command. Maybe things are a lot more black and white than I thought they were. It's making me think...

 

lacy queen anne's lace (i'm falling in love with this flower)

 

fishy yumminess

 

endless cinnamon rolls

 

little girls on swings

 

pudgy legs

 

My first day as an RN and my badge to prove it

 

proof!

 

new scrub tops with butterflies (this one is from Lacey)

 

 

I'm doing RN stuff now. Tomorrow will be the end of the second week of working with a preceptor. I love Amanda! She's an amazing teacher...so patient. And she lets me try new things. I give close to 100 meds a day (it feels like anyway) and lots of injections and IV stuff. I'm learning so much. The biggest thing I've learned so far is THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO LEARN! I have such a long way to go. Sometimes I feel utterly and hopelessly lost and ignorant and I get overwhelmed...but at the same time, I'm enjoying myself so much because I know this is all part of the process and every time I go back I come away having learned loads of things. So...progress is happening...but you may pray for me if you think about it. 

I had my first confrontation with a doctor today. Doctors scare me. They're so knowledgeable and they can be a bit abrupt. I practically quake. I know the next thing coming out of my mouth will reveal my complete ignorance...(yes, yes, it's basically pride, huh?). So I don't speak much. Phones make me nervous. I've come a long way in four years...back then, I hated talking on the phone and would only do it with a few very close people. And this confrontation I was talking about? It was over the phone. I had to page the Doctor then wait for him to call. I was basically choking with nervousness but I managed to sound relatively calm and got my questions out and had some clarifications to go over...and he was kind and it went wonderfully! Maybe doctors aren't so scary after all.

I'm realizing that there are a lot more politics in medicine than I'd wanted to believe through nursing school. I hate that part. It makes for frustrated nurses and moments when you feel almost outraged at the things you have to go through and the paperwork you have to fill out (again and again)...I hope I can always remember why I became a nurse and be able to do all that's required and still take good care of my patients.

 

butterflies (of course)

 

the dying and the beauty

 

I was supposed to work a 12 today and my preceptor 

wasn't needed after 3 so we got to go home!! I got so much

accomplished (including this post) and had so much fun with my 

extra 4 hours...God is so nice to me.  

 

When Hil sends me pics of the girlies

 

Anika being Mama's little helper (I hope I'm half as good a mom as Hil is someday!)

 

Ani made Maya be the baby. This cracked me up.

 

Her smile is the perfect way to end this post

 

me

"In the mystery of love as God planned it, no one can ever figure out who is doing the giving and who the receiving. Real lovers know that giving and receiving are a splendid and hilarious paradox in which lo, the giving becomes receiving and the receiving giving until any efforts to sort it out collapse in merriment or adoration." -Thomas Howard

That's my favorite quote just now.

 

Blue-eyed little girls

 

tomatoes ripening in sun

 

family gatherings..:)

 

So much chicken!! And drops of yummy greasy goodness..;)

 

Willy bought himself an Amish hat.

 

creating lacy things

 

splashing at the pool

 

the simple things

 

"How come has the prodigal son become a paradigm of awesomeness? To me, he's simply a reckless, immature, VERY selfish young man who chose his own way and made some pretty big mistakes that finally brought him to the end of himself. How is that great? How is that something to be lifted up as the way we should live life? Shouldn't the focus of that parable be the redemptive forgiveness and merciful love of the Father?" -me

You know when Jesus made the point of those who have been forgiven much also loving much? He didn't say "those who have sinned much"..and I think he made that distinction on purpose. It's FORGIVEN. Not sinned. I think we have a very permissive view of sin and disobedience to God. Hasn't it become almost...normal? I've caught myself thinking that way. "It's a stage...everyone does it...we'll grow out of it..." And that's why the prodigal son is so uplifted. Because we're human. We sin. Excuses.

It's all true. But sometimes I think we might be missing out on something very special...a freedom from sin. A life lived without regrets. JOY. Because we're satisfied with mediocrity. I saw this in myself this morning. Somehow, I came to this place where I'm just...content. It's enough. I'm living for God. I know he loves me, and I love him. I'm not struggling in the grip of sin anymore. I've been marvelously set free from...so much. But...I think God pulled back the curtain for me a tiny bit this morning...he let me catch a glimpse of the Beauty that is still to come. If I seek it. If I seek HIM. If I refuse to Stay. I don't want that kind of contentment. I want to GROW! I want to thrive and live and...dance. I want to keep on seeking and searching for more of him..I want my relationship with Him to constantly go deeper and wider and freer. And I want him to find me...perfect. I want to live holy and surrendered. Completely. Recklessly. 

 

 

Evening Walks

 

the week the kittens were here...they brought so much happiness!

 

ninja kitty

 

the cuteness

 

"The quality of life does not consist in the great experiences we have, but in the depth of commitments we make. We find ourselves as we give ourselves away."

 

 

flowers

 

 

hummingbird silhouette

 

 

teaching myself to make pretty (and yummy, if I do say so myself;) cupcakes

 

Hebrews 7:11 says that if the Law had made us perfect Jesus wouldn't have been needed (paraphrased of course). And then verse 19 says "For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope did; by the which we draw nigh unto God." I think the law is good. It shows us how sinful we are. How destitute without God. It has a purpose and I'm against throwing it all out and saying everything in the Old Testament is outdated/wrong. It's not. It's the foundation God chose to lay before sending Jesus. Now that I've said that, the Bible clearly states that there's something better. Jesus. And it's implied that we can be perfect through him! You know how the Bible talks about God not remembering our sins? About blotting them out...about covering them with blood? The sacrifices that were made monthly (or was it weekly?) were a covering for those sins...but Jesus has more. When John the Baptist announced his coming to the crowd...he had told them he wasn't fit to touch Jesus' sandal strap. Then John saw Jesus. He shouted, "Behold the Lamb of God, which TAKETH AWAY THE SIN OF THE WORLD!" Our sins are no longer simply covered, or blotted out, or not remembered. They are TAKEN AWAY!! Which *I* take to mean...we don't have to commit them in the first place. And that's kind of my definition of perfection. That complete freedom and clarity before God. I don't think we'll ever get to the point where there will be no room for improvement...or that God is done perfecting us. I think that will be Heaven..:) But I do believe we can come to a place where there is complete freedom from sin! Complete openness with God where he is in every "room" in our hearts and has dealt with everything he wants to deal with (for the present)...where even our thoughts are in subjection to him. Where our lives are holy and beautiful and point people to Him...where we bring him honor and glory and serve others and live a life of praise to Him...a life so full of light, love and hope that others will be drawn to Jesus in us. That's what I want. 

 

 

green on green

 

little birds nestled in nest

 

 

 

her bringing me a flower

 

that smile 

 

I think I've been missing out. That I've been living a satisfied life for the past few months...where I've slipped into a sort of complacent place I no longer want to be in. I want more of Jesus...always more. And less of me. 

I love when he shakes me awake like this...I love how he cares about me! And how he uses my Papa to preach beautiful, inspiring sermons that change the way I think and live. Thank you, Padre..:)

 

 

her beauty

 

his matter-of-fact expression

 

my handsome man

 

I shall so miss hanging out with him in the next 6 weeks...

 

 

The End

"Raindrops on Roses

and whiskers on kittens

bright copper kettles

and warm woolen mittens

Brown geese that fly with the

moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things"

(I love this song...and it goes so well with my theme.

 

 I've been looking forward to May of 2012 for the past four years. It's the month when all the studying I've done over the past 4 years would be realized in the glory of pinning and graduation. I'm officially an RN graduate. I still have to pass my state board exam (next month) for it all to be official, and I actually have a job already. I'll be working on a med-surg floor in the Hospital here in town. I volunteered for night shift because talking to other new nurses, I gathered that it was a lot more relaxed and easy to handle than working day shift..so I'd like to begin there, at least, and then maybe change later on. It's all quite exciting and just a tidge scary. 

 

Raindrops on roses..;)

 

Sidewalk chalk!

 

spiderwebs in the morning

 

My future is very bright and kind of uncertain at the same time...you may all pray for me if you think about it. 

 

Not having to study all the time is like...I'm living a New Life! It's amazing. I'm studying for the NCLEX exam but it's not nearly as stressful and constant as studying was before. It's pretty amazing and I'm soaking it up quite happily.

 

This was our last study group...we had a lot of fun.

 

The goofiness..and the last time we sat in the hallway waiting for test scores..:P

 

We all passed!!

 

My name

 

getting pinned

 

The joy of graduation day

 

My wonderful guy gave me an orchid for my graduation present..:)

 

Wayne and Hil came for our graduation...it was wonderful, seeing them again.

 

Maya's grin

 

her love of shoes..:)

 

hanging out with my Mores

 

days with two of my most favorite people

 

that time Quido and I took a blanket out in the yard and sat out there talking and 

doing our nails for hours...

 

when Quido wears the Tardis earrings I got her

 

Quido's twizzler braid

 

going to my paradise

 

Bethany Pearl and how ladylike she posed

 

Daisies! They really are my favorite flower

 

graduation present from Hil...Sunshine.  

 

the beach that day

 

green toenails in sand and waves 

 

the botanical gardens we found right beside the airport before Quido flew back to Colorado

 

it was truly enchanting 

 

We had fun..:)

 

cookies!

 

I won a doodling contest in the Kaplan classes. A 10 dollar gift card to iTunes. Made me happy!

 

I was kind of scared this month would end up being a disappointment because I had anticipated it for so long and it was pretty built up in my mind. It ended up being even better than I had hoped! I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness and like God has just blessed me so incredibly much. 

 

As I face the future, looking at the past, helps me a lot. Some more uncertainties have popped up and it's easy to feel a bit overwhelmed and doubts attempt to creep in. But when God has already brought you through so much, and you can remember what all he has done, there is a lot of hope and faith to fall back on. I think that's what it means in Romans when it says, "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience hope." I feel like I'm being given the opportunity to put into practice my little sermon from last month. 

 

Have a good day, dear people!

 

 

April has been a wonderful month! I'm at 227 pics so far and it just keeps getting more and more fun.  :)

 

Cool stuff at weddings

 

little boy icing-grin

 

Beautiful little girls and yummy evening light

 

My unbelievably handsome boyfriend

 

I think I've read Job more often than any other book in the Bible. I'm not sure it's exactly my favorite book but it comes really close. I love it deeply. It challenges me and confuses me and comforts me. There's such a huge diversity of language in that book. The suffering, the pain that's almost unbearable to even try to fathom; the friendly advice that is sometimes true and sometimes very obviously a misunderstanding (so like people who try to comfort us in our pain sometimes...they say all the wrong things but you have to forgive them because they mean well..or you try to tell yourself they do:P). Job is kind of sarcastic in one part and a chuckle bubbled out the first time I caught that verse. It was so surprising. For some reason, you just don't expect sarcasm from someone as patient and saintly as Job. Just in case you don't believe me, it's in the beginning of chapter 12 and reads, "I'm sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there'll be no one left to tell us how to live." In the KJV it says, "No doubt but ye are the people; and wisdom shall die with you." Doesn't it make you smile? Then there's the conversations between God and Satan, and then at the end, when God speaks (or more like shouts) for 4 chapters straight, and that's what jumped out at me this time.

 

Huge moon

 

butterflies same color as flowers

 

twirling girls

 

My awesome brothers

 

weirdly shaped four-leaf clovers

 

awesome snacks

 

trying out new foods (especially when they turn out yummy)

 

When butterflies randomly land on me!

 

 

Us..<3

 

winking girlies 

 

my honor-student pin that I'm pretty proud of..:)

 

them..

 

You know how there's so much about God speaking in a still small voice? He does. But it's putting him in a box to say that he's ALWAYS going to speak that way. He definitely didn't with Job. Maybe it's like C.S.Lewis says that God shouts to us in our pain. If anyone had a right to ask God "Why!?" it's Job. He lost more than most of us have. It says clearly that he never sinned with his mouth through the entire ordeal and that would have been very difficult with friends preaching at you trying to get you to admit to sins you never committed because obviously, if you've lost so much and are so completely tormented, this MUST be a punishment for some horror you committed. Right? Not really. There could be a lesson in there somewhere.  

Anyway, God spoke to Job out of a whirlwind. He's extremely challenging. Some of the language sounds like God wants to fight. My heart starts beating faster as I read those chapters because it feels like God is reaching down and almost shaking me like he shook Job. He says, "Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge? Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me." Doesn't it sound like shouting? It's super intense to me. He goes on, "Where was thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare, if thou has understanding. Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the day spring to know his place; that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it?" And God goes on for a while, listing his mighty works. This starts in chapter 38 and goes on through 41 (with a little spot where Job talks in between there). If you want your mind blown on God's awesomeness, go read it. 

 

 

Grandpa and his grandchildren

 

keeping those sunglasses on

 

pretty drinks

 

green grass and long evening shadows

 

 

My first bouquet of daisies...they're my favorite flower but even I must admit that they stink.

 

 

reading the last chapter of this monstrocious book

 

"Then Job answered the Lord, and said, Behold I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth," and later he says, "I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be with-holden from thee. Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? Therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. Hear I beseech thee, and I will speak: I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee: Wherefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes." Then God scolds Job's friends and has them sacrifice an offering and Job prays for them and in the end, Job has twice as much as he had before he lost everything. 

I think my favorite line in the above is how Job says (in my words) "What is there for me to say? I place my hand over my mouth." There's something so humble and beautiful about it. And how he despises himself and repents...because I suppose when you think about it, after you catch a glimpse of God's majesty and power, what more is there to say or do? Seeing his greatness reveals how small and despicable we are. It also reveals the magnitude of his love for us. Job didn't even have what we do in salvation through Jesus. A love so great...from One so...*searches for word*...it doesn't make sense. What else do we do? But bow before him and surrender everything. And live a life of thanks.

 

 

This adorable little girl

 

cousins

 

 

Easter Morning

 

I became an organ/tissue donor this month

 

the amazing parents

 

Ryan keeping me silent company as I study outside..:)

 

Fatima

 

new dress for graduation

 

weird grass that seems to glow 

 

"Are you gifted, attractive, eloquent, brilliant, creative or clever? Are  your opportunities in life favorable because you were born in the right family or the right country? If you have any of these traits or good circumstances, you have only God to thank for them. Even your hard work can be traced to the personality He gave you and perhaps the upbringing he arranged for you. Indeed, the very notion that we are entitled to anything that comes from God's hand is wrong." -Richard Sterns

 

wind in grass

 

Dar's "birthday cake"

 

I've discovered a love for making cupcakes

 

pizza/movie night with my guy

 

tiny bunny that lives under our porch and comes out to munch on clover sometimes..

 

-me

Her name is "Remember"...doesn't it capture things perfectly? My aunt Tina gave this little willow tree figurine to me like 2 years ago for my birthday, I think, and it's still my favorite of all the ones I own. I think it's because I have so much remembering to do...sometimes the memories are beautiful, sometimes they're unbearably sad...

 

Hi, everyone. It's the last day of March and I couldn't wait any longer to update my xanga, and I got a whole extra day just given to me by God! I had to work today from 7-3 so I woke up at 5:30 and went in to the Hospital and circumstances were such that I did NOT have to work...I grinned all the way down the elevator and on my walk out to my car. There was the smell of wisteria coming down the hill to me on the breeze and I just KNEW today was going to be a Very Good Day.  

I made chocolate chip cookies this morning as soon as I got back home (very quietly so as not to wake my slumbering guys...no complaints, so I think I did a good job:), and then after they went off to wherever they went for the day, I cleaned the house while listening to bangy, Spring music, and now it's been switched to Gabriel Yared and I'm sitting on the porch where I can plug my laptop and cellphone in and still hear the music through the open window. It looks like this: 

I love studying outside..:) (and that glass is from Honduras and it makes things taste Just Right)

 

Papa's last two sermons were about remembering what God has done for us...I hadn't noticed before but the thing of remembering is throughout the entire Bible...old and new testament. There's a lot about it in Deuteronomy..."Then beware lest thou forget the Lord, which brought thee forth...from the house of bondage" (Deut 6:12) for a tiny example, and there's a LOT of Jewish traditions that were ordained by God for the sole purpose of making them remember things. The Passover for example. It comes out over and over how God doesn't want us to forget what he's done. He made sure they did certain things so the children would ask why it was done that way so the stories would be passed down and generations later would still remember what was done for them. If you read Psalm 107 it shows the cycle of being in that happy place of praising God after a miracle he's performed and then slowly forgetting, falling on their faces, being sold into captivity (or wandering in a wilderness) and then calling out to God and Him bringing them back. It starts with, "O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy; and gathered them out of the lands from the the east, and from the west, from the north and from the south. They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble and he delivered them out of their distresses. And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation. Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfieth the longing of the soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death being bound in affliction and iron; because they rebelled against the words of God, and contemned the counsel of the Most High: therefore he brought down their heart with labor; they fell down, and there was none to help. Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses." See the pattern? And it goes on like that...up and then down into rebellion and pain and then when they called to God, he would always rescue them. I wonder if we're like that...;)

 

Misty mornings

 

chickadees are my favorite birds. So spunky and cute!

 

Redbuds are one of the most beautiful things about spring..they grow everywhere and are breathtakingly beautiful!

 

I've been listening to some sermons Papa gave me on conflict resolution. The guy's name is Ken Sande and he's a lawyer and wrote the book "The Peacemaker" (which I really want to read) and works with Peacemaker Ministeries. I've listened to 3 of the sermons so far and felt like crying with every single one. The depth and beauty of the things he says are absolute Truth and they feel like water in the desert. He brings out how the Bible is FULL of conflict and there's a lot of advice on how to deal with it...he gives so many practical examples and just...WOW. I want to gather all my dear friends together, sit them down, put the cd in and just make them sit there and listen. It's life giving. anywho! That was a rabbit trail. He talked about The Gospel and how important it is in conflict resolution. But somewhere along the line, it hit me. I've forgotten about the gospel and what it's done in my own life. I very rarely think about Jesus dying on the cross and the sacrifice (isn't that such an inadequate word for what he did?) he made for us..for ME and how I've taken it for granted. It made me stop in my tracks. I don't want to forget. So...how do we remember? I'm sure there's lots of ways, but one that Jesus specifically set up is Communion. It brought a whole new meaning to Communion...thinking of it this way. Makes me want to do it far more often. And I may cry next time our church does it...it's so...words can't describe the depth of it all.

 

My paradise is in full bloom...the bluebells go on forever...it's impossible to capture it with my camera..wish I could.

 

 

towels drying in sun

 

"my heart is wrapped in clover..." (the song At Last)

 

ripply pie edges

 

2 Peter 1 says "According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises; that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust...for if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall. Wherefore I will not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though ye know them, and be established in the present truth. Yea, I think it meet, as long as I am in this tabernacle to stir you up by putting you in remembrance; knowing that shortly I must put off this tabernacle, even as our Lord Jesus Christ hath showed me. Moreover I will endeavor that ye may be able after my decease to have these things always in remembrance." The rest of the chapter is really good too, and I skipped a few verses. Go read it..slowly.

Do you get that he's dying? And that they already know these things but he just HAS to tell them because they must remember the greatness of God and how he has set them free from their old sins...and that if they don't remember, they're blind? 

 

Willy brought me home a meal the other day...YUM.

 

I was surprised to notice napoleones in our school library! It made my day of course. 

 

the moonset the other morning..:)

the lights in my room

 

Cilantro randomly transplanting itself and growing on the other side of our sidewalk

 

Spring flowers and trees are simply The Best!

 

A wonderfully fun afternoon With Him..:)

 

Morning devotions on our porch

 

Budding things

 

lizard!!

 

Our tulips knew which day was the first of Spring and burst out that day:)

 

time with beautiful friends...

FUN!! Can you guess which is mine?

 

tiny pinecones noticed

 

Bumble bees and their annoyed buzzing when I sit in spots they supposedly own

 

Delightful card from wonderful friend

 

As you may have guessed...remembering to me, translates as "Thanking". Isn't it funny that Psalms 107 starts out with that? And halfway through he almost BEGS people to praise God. To BE in that delightful place where we're thanking him for his amazingness. If we could only stay in that spot, right? I think we can. *huge excited grin* It's called eucharisteo. Living thanks. Being grateful in all things. FOR All Things. Yes, even the ones you don't like. I don't believe in happenstance. If it's in your life (unless it's sin of course), and it's a circumstance you can't change no matter what you do...maybe there's something beautiful God wants to do in your life through it. There's infinite possibilities when a person is living for God..:) Maybe thanking him, accepting it through that thanksgiving...maybe that's when he'll open your eyes to the why behind it all. Maybe not. Maybe you'll have to wait a year or two to understand things...but that's what hindsight brings. A direct view of God's fingerprints in a person's life and how every single thing we've given him has been turned into gloriously, sparkling beauty. New and shiny from the ugly and painful. "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.." And he's amazing at healing...I would know. :')

Next month it'll be four years since we moved up here. Sometimes I wish I knew then what I do now. I could give the me back then quite the talking to and the me back then would have been either highly encouraged or maybe she'd smack me for poking around in her painful places and offering hope when all she could think of was the all consuming pain. So maybe it's good I can't go back hehe But seeing what all God has done in my life in these 4 years...it makes me feel encouraged about the next 4. Not only in my life, but in the lives of my little sisters and brothers who still seem to be floundering a bit. Pray for them okay? If you think about it...

 

strawberry pear shake...it was amazing, if I do say so myself

 

dogwoods...

 

interesting tree stuff (not sure what these are)

 

I love what evening light does to make things sparkle..:)

 

Kaye gave me this little guy for my birthday...he's inspiring..:)

 

Gift from my beloved who spoils me with candy all the time. 

It's a miracle I'm not waddling with fat by now.

 

Green things make me HAPPY!!

"pale green baby leaves on the trees.." -Bethany Detweiler

 

Such a variety of wonderful people in my life...so many of them commenting on my facebook for my birthday...it made my day

 

 

Another gift from my boyfriend. These shoes are everything shoes should be...:)

 

reflections

 

more reflections..and dandelions

 

time with my sis...that morning is branded in my memory with so much happiness..:)

 

more redbuds..:)

 

what morning light does to make things sparkle..:)

 

the alfredo pasta I taught myself to make. (and I just made my own stomach growl haha)

 

All the happy faces

 

This pic makes my eyes go "ahhhhh"..:)

 

Who can blame me for loving them so much? They're so delightful.

 

 

Annual four leaf clover...I've found one every year for 3 years now...the past 2 both happened in March. Makes me happy:)

 

Wisteria..wish I could capture the smell for you guys...it's so amazing..:)

 

I've come to the conclusion...after living in thanksgiving for a while now...that it's Heaven on Earth. We'll be continually praising God in Heaven...delighting in Him and his love for us...and this life is our only opportunity to learn to give thanks through pain and hardship. To see him in the "every day"... If we get there and praise is completely foreign to us...wouldn't that be sad? So go give thanks, dear ones. Go remember what all he's done. Thank him for what you can remember, and thank him for what you cannot see, what he's done for you that you don't even know about yet. Just...thank him for...Everything. And wait for the smile...:)

 

Much love,

me

 p.s. The # of pictures is at 151!

 

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things" 

 

The fingerless gloves Esther crocheted for me...they're so perfect for photography in the cold!

 

It really DID snow this winter, believe it or not!

 

Swingfull of snow

 

morning glow on white fluffy stuff

 

A world all coated in white...and the sunrise was gorgeous that morning.

 

We had snow cream that morning. It's absolutely delish! And my happy mug from Mexico:)

 

My ever present water bottle...and ever growing love of water

 

My first attempt at drawing labs and starting an IV.

I was successful even though I couldn't see the vein and had to go by feel. *proud grin*

 

 

touch of green in very brown woods

 

My Path

 

Sunshiny days and that BRILLIANT blue sky!

 

edges of sunset

 

The things you notice when you're on a quest for beauty

 

raindrops

 

Angel food cake (it's so FLUFFY!!!)

 

Ordering my pin...I can't believe this is happening to me!! 

 

the red candles in my room

 

I named him Jefferson (don't ask me why, because I honestly don't know:P).

(one of the Valentine's day gifts my sweet boyfriend gave me:)

 

 

tiny braids in hair

 

Proof that Quido is actually coming to visit me! And there's no return date! Hopefully

that means she'll stay forever:)  

 

curtains dancing in breeze

 

the fairy world inside a tulip

 

blooming things

 

curly wild onion stems

 

toes in grass

 

PEAS!!

 

The countdown till our final exam..:) 

 

And we are currently on Spring Break now and I'm sooo excited!! It's so wonderful to be able to just relax and not think about studying and being able to spend time with my guy and other people and just..aaaah!! I can barely contain the happiness! I hope this week doesn't fly by too quickly...

 

The # of pics is 78. It seems like so little compared to 1,000 but I've enjoyed it so much already, I'm very glad it won't be over soon.

 

"Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world. When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into broken skin and deep crevices, LIFE grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks." -Ann Voskamp

 

"The act of naming grace moments, this list of God's gifts, moves beyond the shopping list variety of prayer and into the other side. The other side of prayer, the interior of the throne room, the inner walls of His powerful, love-beating heart. The list is God's list, the pulse of His love--the love that thrums on the other side of our prayers. And I see it now for what this really is, this dare to write down one thousand things I love. It really is a dare to name all the ways that God loves me. This is the vault of the miracles. The only thing that can change us, this world, is this--all His love." -Ann Voskamp

 

I've experienced this! The more I name, the more I see, the more I give thanks and praise and make my list, the more I see God's love for me. The other day, I looked at the sky in all its glory and it hit me. God really loves me! It made my eyes sting and my insides go melty. We've heard it over and over...all the time. It's become an overstated (can it be overstated? maybe not) fact that we barely hear anymore. And then he pulls back the scales and we see and it makes us fall to the knees with the unworthiness of it all but...with gratitude and life changing hope and...love back. And it hit me too that it's been here all along. All this evidence of his love. Spread so lavishly all over creation and in my life, his fingerprints everywhere. And I feel a pang of shame. I have been so blind. This sight..this SEEING it all (or at least the tiny fraction I can take in right now) is so overwhelmingly beautiful and full of JOY.

 

I listened to a message by Paul Washer the other day. It's called "The glory of God in ministering to the Lord" and he had some really interesting thoughts along the lines of ministering to God! He starts with reading the first 2 verses of Acts 13 "Now there were in the church that was at Antioch certain prophets and teachers; as Barnabas, and Simeon that was called Niger, and Lucius of Cyrene, and Manaen, which had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch, and Saul. As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them." After that it says the prayed for them and sent them away and then it lists a lot of the places they went to, spreading the gospel. Paul Washer points out that in any missionary history teaching or anywhere you hear about the history of the church, these verses are always pivotal when it comes to the first missionary movement ever started. He goes on to ask what they had come together for..what were they doing there? He asks what "ministering to the Lord" means, and after getting some feedback, he says he thinks they were gathered together to praise God. To lift him up. They didn't gather to map out a plan on how to save the lost, or a seminar on teaching people how lost the lost are. Their focus was entirely on God and they were ministering to him. And from that, the greatest missionary/church movement of all time was started. Isn't that beautiful? PW suggests that instead of prayer meetings like most churches have where we make lists of requests, someone should start a prayer meeting sometime where it's all about praising God (I always want to substitute "thank" for praise, but I'm not sure that's legal:P). Just focus completely on lifting God up...magnifying him. Speaking of all the good he's done in our lives, all the miracles he's worked, and ESPECIALLY the "little" things he's done for us, the stuff that's so easy to overlook, mention all the things we love and are thankful for and then just..thank him for them. I can't even imagine how happy it'd make people! I'm not saying requests are wrong. They're actually RIGHT, and just what God wants. But I agree with Paul Washer in that we've got it backwards. We have focused on man and his needs and if we'd switch our focus to God, we end in actually helping man...(more than we ever could alone), and when we start with man, it doesn't usually go much further than that. 

 

Okay I'm done! Goodnight:)

I had an inspiration the other day followed by another inspiration that night. The first one was that I was going to take some One Thousand Gifts pictures…1,000 of them, to be exact. And then as I was falling asleep that night, it hit me that I could blog about my new project and even post some of my favorite pics from each month…which would be a monthly post, which would kind of bring me back into the world of writing (publically) which makes me very happy. I was so excited I couldn’t fall asleep for an entire hour or so.

To explain about the One Thousand Gifts: it’s an idea from a book. That’s the title and it’s written by Ann Voskamp. I read it last year in April or so and it changed my life in wonderful ways and I’m reading it again this year (I think reading it once a year is probably going to become a tradition with me) and it’s so inspiring and beautiful and true and…*deep breath* I love it so deeply I feel almost incoherent when I start talking about it.

 

Please read it.

 

 

One of the things this lady talks about (she’s a pig farmer’s wife, by the way…and her writing is like poetry it’s so vivid and beautiful) is gratefulness…eucharisteo. The act of thanksgiving. The JOY in it. She writes about living…truly living the fullest life and how some people think they have to travel places and DO things and…accomplish certain things to be able to say they’ve actually lived. She asks, “Are there physical places that simply must be seen before I stop breathing within time, before I inhale eternity? Why? To say that I’ve had reason to bow low? To say that I’ve seen beauty? To say that I’ve been arrested by wonder? Can’t I find it here? Isn’t the wonder here? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same surging magnificence that cascades over our every day here. Who has time or eyes to notice?” I think it can be done. It takes practice, but it’s a Practice of Praise that makes the miraculous flood your everyday life. This world we live in…this life “…this life of the bare toes across grass, the sky raining spring down on eyelashes…” it will end. It's so short. Why not embrace it while we can? I believe that if you are where you are as a result of following God; obeying him; that’s exactly where he wants you. And you can live the fullest life…a life full of grace and beauty and JOY (isn’t that what we all search for so frantically?) right where you are. And it’s found in thankfulness. The “little” things…the gifts from God…the little evidences of his love he spreads so lavishly in our lives…once you start noticing, it’s a never-ending stream of joy and beauty and Awed Adoration. I’ve written a list of 1,000 things I love (which end up being 1,000 ways in which God loves me) over the past year and have started another one this year…and now the pictures. It may take me way longer than a year with pics…but it’s causing Joy to burst inside me all over the place! It was the 26^th of this month that the Idea hit me so I don’t have very many January photos…I’m posting some of my favorites though, and will have a little post every month from now on (if I can) and just post a few of my favorite pictures from each month…and keep whoever reads this updated on how many pics I have so far…

Let the fun begin…*huge happy grin*

my peppermint mocha lattes

 

swingset in sunlight

 

My wonderful orchid is blooming in the middle of January...and the flowers last sooo long!

 

piano to pound on

 

First crocus of the year...this winter has been weirdly warm so far (I'm thankful for that too;).

 

Pictures taken that are kind of mistakes but still quite happy (and time with my guy:).

 

Lemon poppysead muffin to go with my coffee for breakfast...

 

sparkles in grass

 

bobble-head pics (I love em) and happy scarves:)

 

winter's dead beauty

 

I'm falling in love with gray...:)

 

gold (and my favorite time of day)

 

"Satan, he wanted more. More power, more glory. Ultimately, in his essence, Satan is an ingrate. And he sinks his venom into the heart of Eden. 

Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives. We want something more, something other. 

Standing before that tree, laden with fruit withheld, we listen to Evil's murmur, "In the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened..." But in the beginning, our eyes were already open. Our sight was perfect. Our vision let us see a world spilling with goodness. Our eyes fell on nothing but the glory of God. We saw God as he truly is: good. But we were lured by the deception that there was more to a full life, there was more to see: the ugliness we hadn't beheld, the sinfulness we hadn't witnessed, the loss we hadn't known. 

But from that garden beginning, God has had a different purpose for us. His intent, since he bent low and breathed His life into the dust of our lungs, since He kissed us into being, has never been to slyly orchestrate our ruin. "His secret purpose from the very beginning is to bring us to our full glory" (1 Corinthians 2:7 NEB). He means to rename us. He means to heal our soul holes. Us, unworthy. And yet since we took a bite out of the fruit and tore into our own souls, that drain hole where joy seeps away, God's had this wild secret plan. He means to fill us with glory again. With glory and grace."  -Ann Voskamp

God has been filling me with joy recently (obviously hehe)…and lately, I’ve come upon some little revelations I suddenly feel like sharing.

 

I looked up a verse the other day. It was John 15:11. It says, “These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full.” The word “joy” has become special to me lately, and so reading that made me smile delightedly and it reconfirmed my suspicion that God wants to FILL us with Joy. Not just happiness. Or perfect circumstances. I think sometimes that Perfect Circumstances would be cheating us of so many good things. So God lets bad things happen…pain, disappointment, wounds…but He heals us. Makes us whole. And gives us Joy. Anyway, I read that verse, but thought, “These things…what things?” so I went back and read the beginning of that chapter. It’s the vine and branches allegory and it just really HIT me. Abiding in Jesus…all the time. Letting him kind of Live through and in us is what gives us JOY! I look around at my hurting friends and sometimes I wish I could just pick them up and physically carry them into God’s arms so they can be made whole and so he can give them Joy. But I’ve come to realize it’s a journey we all have to walk on our own. I might be able to pray for them and kind of hold their hand, but they have to be the ones to put one foot in front of the other and choose to walk towards God…and sometimes that’s hard. Because there are Doubts. And because Satan does NOT want us to get there. He does everything in his power to make it seem impossible.

 

Over the past few years (since I turned 17 or so), Life has felt like one blow after another. The times between wounds were simply periods of recovery and some healing. Whenever things got happy, I’d start bracing myself for the next horror. Which might not be the best way to live life. But I’m on my fifth month of Absolute Happiness now, and although I doubted it horribly at first, and was almost positive it was all too good to be true, I’m Living it to the fullest. Five months! That’s almost half a year. (*pauses to thank God*) I know life isn’t about happiness. It’s deeper than that. We shouldn’t pursue it like some final goal. And God has taught me so much through the painful times. So much, in fact, that I was scared I’d waste this happy time, and he’d have to bring pain again quickly to get me back on track. So I prayed a sort of weird-ish prayer. I asked God to help me make the most of this time in my life. To learn as much as was possible and grow closer to Him. And I think he’s answering that prayer. He’s showing me how he doesn’t waste anything. Even comforting us has more of a purpose than just making us feel good. The sermon last Sunday was incredible…and one of the verses he read was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” I could feel my eyes widening as he read it. I’ve always felt a little insulted when I’m in pain and someone says consolingly, “Well, you’ll really be able to help other people who’re going through something like this someday…” I’ve wanted to say, “Yea, but right now, it’s about ME!” hehe Confession of selfishness. Now I feel like the pain was doing far more in me than it could ever help anyone else. I’m not sure if that’s right or not, but I think God’s main goal in allowing pain into our lives is for our relationship with Him. To deepen our faith in Him, to broaden us…and to teach us lessons we couldn’t understand otherwise. Being able to help other people is a very good side effect. But then the way he comforts us…THAT is for the benefit of other people. Isn’t that amazing? And not just when they’re going through the same kind of pain we’ve faced. But when they face ANY trouble! It’s not about the pain anymore, really. It’s about God’s comfort.  It made me happy for some reason. And there’s also that promise there of God comforting us in “all our tribulation.” Not just some of what we go through, but ALL of it. Some translations say affliction instead of tribulation, and Mr. Byler defined affliction as, “Affliction is life in a world that’s messed up. With people who are in pieces. It’s the pain, the agony, the travail that comes from living in a fallen world.” We all face that, I think. Which means we’re all wounded in one way or another. It’s part of living. But we have a God who makes whole…who heals…and who wants to fill us with Joy. I’m convinced that the only thing that keeps us from all being completely FULL of joy (regardless of circumstances) is our inability to let God in. And all the things we use as replacements for him. Self-pity being the first that comes to mind. You can’t learn anything when you’re pitying yourself. You can’t grow. I’m convinced it’s one of the biggest traps Satan ever came up with. It starts a cycle of doing the same wrong thing over and over and suffering more and more while offering no solution whatsoever; robs us of any possibility of Joy or being able to even connect with God. Plus it’s ungrateful. You can’t praise God when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Nor can you admit you’ve done something wrong. And yet, I’ve caught myself doing it many times. There’s something so miserably satisfying about it. Singing “I’ll Praise You in This Storm” very loudly helped me with that once. If you make a choice to praise God…to thank him…even for the things you’re not quite thankful for, it’s a Huge Deal, I think. It changes your attitude, but beyond that, it somehow opens a door for Faith. If you thank God for ugly circumstances in your life because you know he has a good purpose in it, I have this feeling he smiles quite delightedly and thinks, “You’ll see what I’ll do with this…and you’ll love me for it. I’ll shock you with the JOY I have in store for you!” I’m pretty sure there’s nothing more pleasing to him than our thanks. And obedience, too, of course. But have you ever thought how easy it is to say “Thank you,” ? It still blows me away that this is all God requires in return for ALL the ways he blesses us. But really, that’s how it is. The natural relationship between God and man is Him giving and us receiving with thanks. We can’t hope to deserve the things he gives…or somehow earn them. But receiving with thanks pleases him. I’ve been thanking him for specific things lately…I’ve numbered them out in the little notebook Yolanda gave me that I’d thought was too sacred to ever really use…but this is perfect for it. I’m on number 478, and after a while of writing out things I love, I read over it all and instead of being a list of things I’m grateful for, it starts looking more and more like a list of ways in which God loves me. And the Joy is more than I can contain. The idea to list my happy things came from the book, “A Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. I happened to read it at the perfect time in my life and it’s completely changed my outlook and even my relationship with God. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Here's another Joy verse: "Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of Joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." -Psalm 16:11 (it's my favorite verse right now:)

 Speaking of things I'm thankful for, the Man below is my favorite.

Okay I’m going to stop rambling now.

Goodnight.

 I think that yesterday might be the day I took my most unique nature pic:) Definitely the most so, so far. I know the subject matter isn't all that unique, but it's the way God set it all up! Two rain drops on BOTH sides of the flower!? And they're almost my favorite flower...right NOW I like them even more than daisies...and yes, maybe even more than orchids! *gasp* (I know) Can't believe I just said that:P But...they're so freaking expressive and amazing! Orchids always look elegant. Always beautiful. But I've never seen a sad one...or one that looks like it's about to burst with happiness. Or one that looks brave...or one that breathes life into me like these do. And an orchid (and not even a daisy) could EVER look like it had ginormous headphones on and was gloriously jamming out all in its own little world:P 

 

 

I know it's been almost a year since I've updated my poor, neglected xanga, but here I am once more. A lot has happened since I last posted. The journey I had been embarking on ended somewhat painfully but I'm okay and still studying away and kind of dedicating most of my time to learning all things pertaining to the world of RNs:) I graduate in approximately a year! So it may be another full year before I post anything again but I wanted to share something I listened to this morning that really spoke to me. Read it slowly:)

"I want you to be all mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone. Not in other people; not in circumstances. Depending only on Me may feel like walking on a tightrope (my eyes bugged out at this part...for various reasons but there is a safety net underneath: the Everlasting Arms. So don't be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on, one step at a time. Neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate you from my loving presence."            -God (through Sarah Young)

Deuteronomy 33:27

Romans 8:39

It's hard to be afraid while living for a God like that.