September 6, 2009

• Randomness

  “What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?”   

  Well, it is after 1:00 in the  morning, and since I made the mistake of a caffeine overload before I went to bed tonight, I am hense destined to the frustration caused by the racing mind of an exhausted body. So I have decided to give in, once again, to the demands of inspiration/insanity; whichever you prefer to call it.

  I’ve been making discoveries lately, and I feel like sharing some of them tonight…so I shall ramble away and hope that some of this makes sense to whoever reads it.

  I’ve lately been very convicted of pride in my life…it’s something that horrifies me a great deal, and yet I must admit it’s a huge part of my life. I think God must hate it a lot. It’s listed in the 7 things he hates, actually, “A haughty look” he calls it. It’s one of those hidden sins you can live with and kinda pretend away most of the time…it’s not as obvious as some, I don’t think, but it infests every thought and clouds every motive. I feel like crying when I see how much I’ve let it rule my life. It hurts me a lot to know there’s something inside me that God HATES. And I’ve been thinking about WHY he hates it so much. We’re his creation and he has made EVERY SINGLE good thing in us. Our OWN righteousness amounts to nothing more attractive than filthy rags…so we take the gifts he’s given us and take credit for them, and steal the glory that is rightfully his and it’s just so WRONG. But his reaction isn’t like ours would be. I don’t think he’s greedy for our praise and actually giving credit where credit is due like a normal human being would be if his exquisite work of art walked off yelling, “Look at me! I made myself!” (I’m sure he feels the same sense of outrage that artist would feel though:) But anyway, beyond just claiming us as his creation because he thinks he deserves our praise…I think he hates pride MORE because of what it does to us. Pride is the same as self-righteousness…and it leads to judgements passed on our fellow human beings. Setting ourselves up as better than someone else is so ugly. It divides and kills relationships…which is the main reason we’re on earth to begin with. How come don’t we just get shot to Heaven the minute we’re saved? Adriel said something about that the other Sunday and I thought, “Wow, that’s an attractive thought!” No sin. Just, “Jesus, forgive me, I repent…I surrender.” and WHAM! Heaven:) Complete freshness. Washed in his blood…without a blemish. But we stay. Why? To take others with us when we go, duh. And how can we truly love and draw people closer to God when we think we’re somehow better than them? *pause* I think I had more to add to that, but I can’t remember what it was. I guess I’ll just finish up this paragraph with acknowledging that pride is a part of myself I hate most of all rightnow, and I’m deeply ashamed of it…and I’m trusting God to root it out. I don’t care if it’s painful. I don’t want even a smidgen of it left in my life by the time he’s done.

  I’ve also been learning things about faith. You know how you usually know a lot of stuff in your head, and then God comes in blazing light and moves it all down to your heart? That’s what he’s been doing to me.   I’ve come to the realization that EVERYTHING is about him! “Everything is in Christ and Christ is everything.” Even faith is all about him. It’s not about how spiritual we are, and how much we’ve grown into being able to trust him for things. Faith is simply a reflection of what we think about the character of God. So who do you think God is? Do you think he is God? Do you believe that what he says about himself is true? If so, then obedience and trust (going hand in hand) are suddenly far more simple than they were before. We are the ones who constantly complicate things. The Christian life may be difficult, but it’s still as simple as it always was…we’ve tricked ourselves into believing it’s complicated and almost impossible. It really isn’t. God is pretty nice when it comes to making a way for us…a way that has all been figured out before we were even on the scene…a way that is simple and wise all at the same time…a way that is definitely the BEST way possible!

  And then when it comes to faith…I found a few quotes that I especially like.

  “Faith isn’t a ‘leap in the dark’ as some people would have you believe. It’s believing that you can step into the darkness because God commanded you to and promised there was a rock there to stand on. It’s simply believing what God says. It’s not a leap in the dark when you know there’s a rock there.” -Paul Washer       (And isn’t it awful that God says, “Trust me. Take that step.” and I argue and whine and complain and doubt until I finally hack up the courage to do it, and immediately find that rock and I’m all like “WOO HOO! That was awesome!” And then he says, “Step again.” and I start all over with the doubting?)

  “The greatest act of faith is for me to be able to look in the mirror of God’s Word and see all my sin and flaws and deformity; to see that, as it is in the mirror of God’s Word and BELIEVE that God unconditionally loves me. Now THAT is faith!”  -Paul Washer

  And then there’s this evidence of God’s love. This may not sound right to you depending on your view of Song of Solomon. Some view this book as Solomon ranting about the Queen of Sheba and it being something meant for husbands and wives…like a love story or something. But isn’t the relationship between a husband and wife but a very pale shadow of what we’ll share with Jesus? We’re his bride, no? So anyway…where he says, “With just one glance of her eyes, my heart beats faster…” I choose to believe that this is how God feels about his bride/Christians/you (if you belive:). And so…isn’t it a wonderful thought to know that when you kneel down beside your bed at night or lie down in the grass under the moon and stars and look up and start thinking a prayer, that God’s response is NOT indifference, it’s more like a leaning forward and hushing, and his heart beats faster. I find this to be a HUGE incentive to prayer… I’m still not sure if I agree with the whole thing myself, I actually heard these thoughts in a message and I followed through with more thoughts of my own…but yeah. You don’t have to agree with it:) But I still stand on the fact that God loves his church FAR more than we can imagine! And He DOES hear our prayers…every single one of them.

  You know how it’s so easy to go on and on about oneself? It’s so easy to talk about ME!:) Perhaps we bore a lot of our friends because of this very reason, but he’s constantly telling us to “Come to me and I will give you rest.” This is proof enough that He actually delights in the sound of your voice. He WANTS to hear all the things that would bore others. He longs to be a part of every single detail of your life…and there’s only the deepest JOY in letting him take over! Joy and peace and rest.

  And then I was doing an assignment for Sunday school just tonight (yes, I am the queen of procrastination:), and I found some awesomely awesome quotes in the book we’re studying on!

  “In divine irony, God has so structured life that living for ourselves guarantees that our deepest needs go unmet, while living for others instead of self puts us in a place where the deep needs of our heart can be met. It is a lifestyle of faith. When we stop living only for self and trust God with our own needs, he not only meets them, but also uses us to meet them in others.”   -Eddie Rasnake

  “It is not the job of the branch to produce fruit, but rather to bear it as a result of staying connected to the vine.”   -Eddie Rasnake

  There’s more proof that it’s not about us at all…but about HIM, and believing what he says, and then HE will do the work. Even that line about the fruit. It’s so simple:) You don’t see apple branches groaning and straining…trying to produce some fruit…it’s simply a natural process…a result of being connected to a root system and the trunk, receiving nourishment simply because we’re connected to him. He wants us to depend on him.

  So there. I think my brain is almost as tired as my body now…and if the caffeine would only die down and go away…maybe I’ll sleep?

  Goodnight everyone…here’s to a closer walk with him every day…until there’s no more distinction between “Him in me” and “me in me”…till it’s all just HIM! Man…I want that.

  

  

   

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  • 2:35 am
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