Today, I have the random urge to write about me. I don’t know what I’m going to say, but I shall start and see where I end up.
I’m turning 25 today…I find myself pondering life and how different it is from what I’d always planned and expected. A few years ago, I was certain I would have been married to someone who isn’t even in my life anymore. I would have expected a few kids by now, and I had no intention of living in the States. We were to live in Honduras.
I cannot express how happy I am that God is in control of my life and how thankful I am for where I am now. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m happy we live here in Virginia. I’m not sure I’m happy we had to leave Honduras, and I’m definitely sure I wish we hadn’t left the way we did; forced out by people who didn’t know what they were doing. But looking back, I see God’s hand in things so clearly (at least in my life), that I dare not be anything but grateful. He’s so good to me. I still pray for miracles in my kids’ lives and am trusting God can work in their hearts just as he’s worked in mine.
I feel like my eyes are wide open to God today…I see him everywhere. It makes me feel all kinds of things inside I don’t even know how to express. Maybe I’ll start speaking in tongues in a bit here. 
I love him so much! He’s done so much for me and in me and even through me…His goodness and grace blow me away.
So I want to make a list of things I like about God!
1. His faithfulness. He makes the sun rise and set every day. He delights in repetition and constancy; and yet
2. His unpredictability is always there too. He’s never boring or predictable. Ever the same, ever new and surprising.
3. His unchanging-ness. He’s so…aaaah! I can’t describe it. He’s always the same, yesterday, today, and forever. I love that about him!
4. The millions of ways He loves us. I started a list of 1,000 gifts 3 years ago, I think. Just when I needed to start a list like that. I’ve been writing ever since and am on #557 of my 7 or 8th list. I’m very confident I could keep writing forever and never run out of new and old/new ways he loves me and shows me every day. Doing this has changed my life and opened my eyes to his passionate, overwhelming love for ME. The sinful, undeserving creature that I am. It brings me to tears. I’ll never stop praising him. I may falter, but I won’t stop. Heaven will just make it more pure and true.
5. His blatant wooing through nature. This world is truly an ugly place sometimes. We’ve so broken it with sin and selfishness…and still, he brings the laughing, bouncy, sunshiny, sweet breeze of Spring. How can one doubt his love with Spring in the air?
6. His forgiveness. It’s always there, mercy like a sea we can dive into.
7. His power. He’s done miracles in my life…and I’ve seen him work in the lives of others…what he’s brought them through; created in them; done through them…this is what keeps my faith intact as I pray and hope for my kids. He does miracles all the time. He will for them also.
8. His grace. I’ve started thinking of grace as, the power to live victorious over sin. And really, what greater power is there? Living a victorious life and pointing others to that grace…the power to come out of that horrible struggle where every breath seems like an effort in living for God…to FREEDOM! Aaaaaaaah…there’s nothing like it!!
9. Constantly more to discover. My latest discovery is that he chose not to create formulas on purpose. When I have something awesome I’ve lived and learned, I wish to pass it to someone else without the effort I went through to get it…and sometimes I want someone else’s wisdom and victory or freedom in a little box so I can call it my own…but God doesn’t give us a step by step formula to follow because he wants us to SEEK HIM. He wants us to value his gifts and if we could all go out and pluck them off trees, we wouldn’t value them at all. So sometimes we have to suffer, sometimes we have to struggle and lose sleep.
And on a side note, I’ve been realizing we are such sheep in how we follow each other around (I’ve been watching Maya follow Anika:), and I think God created us that way on purpose. It’s not always a good thing, but maybe there’s some good to be gathered from just admitting it. I wonder if we would stop trying so hard to be unique and different and pushing our individuality around, we might be able to get somewhere. Maybe we could just choose who we follow instead of trying not to follow anyone. Maybe we could follow good people…like Paul encouraged us to follow him. And then always follow Jesus…
10. His goodness. He’s constantly, relentlessly kind. He never stops, never gives up…his goodness has become the story of my life. It’s weaved into every thread that makes up the tapestry he’s making of me.
And this ended up being more about Him than about me. Which is exactly what I want my life to be like anyway…J I’m very happy today…as I turn 25 and think of my past and anticipate my future. My past has had its dark times…times of despair and sadness so great I thought the grief would swallow me…but looking back, it’s all become a song of praise to Him and I want my future to be even more so.
I can’t believe I’m getting married in a little more than a month. Time goes so quickly and before I know it, I’ll be a wife! *pauses in awe*
I’m adding some pics in this post here and there, but they’re all old ones. I don’t have my laptop right now but as soon as I do, I’ll edit the rest of the pics from Honduras and post a blog for February and then later on, I’ll do one for March..or maybe I’ll just combine the two since I didn’t take very many pics in March due to the lack of a camera. My new one just came yesterday, by the way. I love it dearly already.
Hope you all have a nice day! *hug*
me
